Tarot Car Reading - Renault Alliance

Trying to think of new ideas to write about is like pulling teeth for me, I think I end up spending way more time trying to squeeze ideas out of my head than actually writing anything. After talking to my buddy Jay Martens at the Manifest your Creative Potential blog it became clear that the easiest things to write about are those that you're interested in. So, rather than trying to write smart, informative technology articles, I'm going to just start writing what comes to mind.

So, here it is. Tarot Car Readings: an attempt to read a person’s personality and possible future based on the car they drive. Our first lucky client is the Renault Alliance.

The Renault Alliance

The Renault Alliance

Debuting under the AMC umbrella in 1983 as an Americanized French sedan which combined all the worst bits of both French and American cars, it somehow placed at the top of Car and Driver's 10 Best Cars list in its first year of existence. Then people wised up.

For this reading, we are taking a look at the beauty you see above: The Renault Alliance Convertible which was a unique to North America model (alongside the 2-door) attempt to liven up the brand. It first appeared in 1985.

The Owner

As a driver of the Alliance Convertible you are seen as a mysterious and fleeting character. But not mysterious like a tall dark and handsome stranger, no you are seen as something of a Dr. Strange like character.

Dr. Strange "Dr Strange by Steve Ditko". Via Wikipedia

Never heard of Dr. Strange? Well that makes sense, because much like you, Alliance Owner, he doesn't get out much and on first glance he looks a little, umm, strange. He is mostly non-threatening, he means well and would help a person out at the drop of a hat a flourish of the hands and wave of the wand. He is the primary protector of Earth against magical and mystical threats after all.

Being helpful is a great trait you and Dr. Strange both share. The problem being it's not to say that he's creepy or anything, but there's just something that is not exactly welcoming about him. Being unwelcoming means that when given the choice between a Dr. Strange and Superman comic most folks go with the Man of Steel rather than, what's Dr. Strange's nickname again?

The same goes with the Renault Alliance, it's always wanting to help your and your friends out with a ride. However when presented with the choice between it and Joey's Toyota Camry or Susan's Mustang Convertible the Alliance is usually left to have its seals dry out just a little more in the garage.

The good thing is, this doesn't bother the Alliance it just means those precious kilometers stay off the odometer. The same goes for you, you don't mind being chosen last, you like to be pitied but not in a woe-is-me, emo-kid, melancholy type of way. You've decided that since the Corvettes and Supermen of the world are going to get all the attention no matter what you try, you'll accept anything you can get. You get a charge when people notice your car and say "Wow, that is a weird car, it must be a nightmare to find parts. It must always be breaking down, it's a Renault." This is just a nod to your eccentricity and another tip of the hat to your originality in your mind.

It's also when you shine brightest: when someone actually does notice anything about you or mention a topic you know a great deal about. You're always willing to fill their earholes with all the information they can handle. It's a quite impressive trait.

You tend to be a very patient person too. Having to wait for something is in your nature. Whether that be a long line at the grocery store, the build up to a long weekend, a 0-60 time of 15+ seconds or the epically long wait for that replacement water pump to be shipped from who-knows-where...none of it bothers you. Your patience makes you a great parent and teacher. You're willing to accept anyone's quirks, disfigurements and all and you're willing to work with anyone until you know they are satisfied.

As a significant-other you are one of the most loving, caring people a lover could ask for. You are willing to tend to ANY need that a lover may have in fear that if you miss one, they may suddenly up and you stranded. Years of driving a Renault Alliance like it's about to break down has trained you well to make sure everything in other people's lives is tended to. Being a glutton for automotive punishment also adds some spice to the bedroom. The masochistic tendencies cultivated after years of Renault ownership has poised you to like when things go sideways and take pleasure in pain.

The Future

Let's face it, you're not long for this world. I'm getting nothing but bad readings from your aura. Your parents moved back to the old country, your siblings have long been dead, if you don't take great care of your health you'll soon join them. Maintenance of health is key for your survival, more than the average person.

You have a good life, kids, a good job, just be sure to keep tabs on yourself so you don't lose it. I hate to say it but you can't survive on eccentricity alone. I do see a white light in your aura. Go towards the light to find the person who will help you stay healthy and happy...you'll know when you find them, it will be like they are giving you a new life.

The End

So, just as people thought the writers of Dr. Strange at Marvel must have been on drugs to come up with such an off-the-wall character, you can sometimes be greatly misunderstood. But once people get to know you, they'll see that despite the strange initial impression you have a lot to offer. You're a giver not a taker.

Stay strange Renault Alliance.